her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
