mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
