I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
