yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
