Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
