no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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