I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
