I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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