She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
