Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
