fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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