I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
