google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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