the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
