I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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