I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
