capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
