Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
