Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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