my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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