wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i have two assholes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
