I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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