Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
