Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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