Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
