why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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