So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
