Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
