I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
being pregnant is like rehab
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize