very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
