bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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