I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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