I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
