i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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