he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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