You really coming over, don't trick.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
