Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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