she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
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Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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