So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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