also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
