U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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