I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
