You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
