so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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