I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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