I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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