Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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