if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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