haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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