I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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