yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
