I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
