I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
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Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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