oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
