so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
