Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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