the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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