You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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