Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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