She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
