You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
