I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
