I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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