i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
